


When Handling a Dresden

by shichan_DFKink (shinchansgirl)



Series: Wild!Harry [1]
Category: Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: Complete, Crack, Kink Meme, Manual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-29
Updated: 2011-07-29
Packaged: 2017-10-21 22:03:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/230352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinchansgirl/pseuds/shichan_DFKink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: A Manual for the Care and Feeding of (Character of Choice) or, Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual for the (CoC). Something like this. Bonus points for lots of shipping, or how your pet Murphy or Marcone Model 2.3 interacts with other pets/robots. Is your warranty void if your Harry is left near flammable objects?</p><p>Note: Characters treated as species. Will make sense when you read.<br/>-This is the "Manual"</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Handling a Dresden

**Author's Note:**

> This is VERY cracky, and I didn't write more because it felt like I was going a bit... out there. I'm also not entirely sure this is what was meant by the prompt (that's what I get for reading it while cross-eyed with sleep!), so yeah... no character-bashing intended, this is supposed to be light and fun, okay? I hope you enjoy!

_On the Care and Feeding of your New Harry Dresden._

The _Harry_ subspecies of _Dresdens_ (Kingdom _Animalia_ , Phylum _Chordata_ , Class _Mammalia_ , Order _Maga_ , Family _Mortalis_ , Genus _Candentissima_ , Species _Dresden_ , Subspecies _Harry_ ) is known to have a taste for setting things aflame, so the first thing you must know about your new Dresden is not to place him near anything that is highly flammable unless you are prepared for his antics. Even as young children, flame is the first magical talent they will display – some young Harrys even learning to light candles from the crib to keep various other creatures away, particularly Shadowman, Cowl, and all Vampire species. It is not advised to discourage them from these talents, as fire is the Harry’s primary means of protection and should a Harry of any age find himself about without a John (Species _Marcone_ ), Karen (Species _Murphy_ , Jared (Species _Kincaid_ ), Thomas (Species _Raith_ ), or other protective-type companion he will need this talent to survive.

Harrys are recommended for older first-time caretakers, because despite their sometimes frustrating habit of starting fires, their reactions to other species are fairly uniform with few rare exceptions. A Harry will almost always treat a John with distrust, but will never harm one unless he is harmed first. Harrys are also known for treating female-only subspecies, such as Karens and Susans, with respect – very rarely will a Harry attempt to harm a female, unless said female is of the _Lamia_ (common name: Vampire) Family. They are known to be particularly hostile to the _Bianca_ subspecies (Genus _rubra_ , Species _St. Claire_ ), and all Biancas are to be avoided if at all possible.

First-time Harry owners should realize that their Harry has a few self-destructive habits. A distracted Harry will ignore bodily needs such as hunger and sleep in favor of a new Mystery they wish to solve. A Harry will also crave knowledge in any form, even if it is not a Mystery, and to fulfill this need it is often recommended that a _Bob_ is acquired as one of his companions. This can be tricky as only a Harry can choose the right Bob; not just any Bob will do, and it is very rare for a Harry to choose more than one Bob. While the Harry can successfully mate with many other species (including, frequently, _Marcone_ s, _Murphy_ s, _Kincaid_ s, _Raith_ s, _Susan_ s, and even occasionally a rare _Erlking_ , _Donar_ , _Gard_ , or _Hendricks_ ) and potentially produce offspring, Bob is one of the few subspecies where such interaction is rare. A Harry and Bob _might_ mate, and if so offspring is certainly possible, however it is more common to find a Harry with a Susan, a John, or even curled up with a Waldo (Species _Butters_ ) with his Bob acting as guard (and occasionally overseeing the mating process). Most believe this oddity to be due to the fact that a Harry will use a Bob for information first and does not like to mix work and pleasure, however this is purely speculation. Others postulate that a Harry and a Bob mate frequently, and that this pairing is rarely seen because the Bob’s knowledge allows the pair to better hide their interactions.

Harrys almost always need to be fed foods that are lasting, preferring high-protein meals such as steaks and burgers. This is due to the above-mentioned tendency to ignore bodily needs in order to acquire knowledge or aid another. The Harry’s body is suited to storing protein for later use, and foods that are lower in protein content and nutrients will result in short bursts of high-energy followed by a low-energy “crash” that can cause the Harry to behave erratically, particularly if he is attempting to solve a Mystery.

A Harry will also prefer either soda or ale (particularly the ale made by the _McAnally_ species), however such treats should also be supplemented with juices and waters so that the Harry can remain healthy.

Electrical items are vulnerable to a Harry’s magic, so all items that use electric should be kept away from your new Harry until it is seen how strong your Harry’s ENF (Electric Negation Field) extends. He will be fascinated with items such as phones, radios, guns, cars, and other devices of defense/communication, however once these items are no longer usable he will discard them as they do not contain any parts that he can otherwise use. As replacing these items can prove to be an expensive prospect, most Harry owners prefer to simply avoid exposing their Harrys to electronic equipment altogether.

Despite this, your Harry should always be supplied with a few essential items. While a Bob is recommended, a Harry is particularly vulnerable if he is unable to create his own defensive wards. He will need a supply of wood, from which most Harrys will create a blasting rod, staff, or a wooden circle to work magic in. A knife is recommended in order for him to carve the wood, elsewise the Harry might attempt to use fire and burn the wood into the desired shape (or to etch runes into the wood) and a young Harry’s strength sometimes outweighs his control with magic. He will also need a steady supply of candles (lightbulbs will need to be replaced more frequently than is prudent – candles will last longer), chalk, ink, and paper. On occasion, he may require ingredients that seem odd, but a Harry will always find some way to either convey his needs or acquire the item himself.

Many of those interested in the Harry species, scientist or not, also find it fascinating to provide the Harry with a supply of handkerchiefs and watch him "fold sunlight." This is a defensive measure the Harry has developed in order to harm any of the vampire family that invade its territory or threaten anyone in the Harry's vicinity. Some owners, however, have noted that Harry's don't always like to fold sunlight, and that sometimes the light will escape the Harry's grasp - which leave the Harry frustrated. Scientists speculate that the magic requires the Harry to be in a certain frame of mind to fold sunlight, however it has proven impossible to do research on this possibility, as there is no equipment that can measure the Harry's mood accurately.

Harry’s also well known in the breeder’s realm for never producing a true “Harry.” While a Harry can produce a Morph of the Species, a purebred Harry can only come from a Margaret (Species _La Fey_ ) and a Malcolm (Species _Dresden_ ). Some examples of Morphs are listed below by common name, with the Harry’s Mate listed in parentheses.

-Baron (John)  
-Winter Knight (Mab)  
-Lash (any of the _Denarian_ Order)  
-Maggie (Susan)*  
-Alter-Harry or Ego-Harry (Harry)**

*The Maggie is named after the Harry’s parent species, Margaret, as it is believed to either be a throw-back to this earlier genetic mix or a potential evolution of the genes. A Maggie can only be produced through a Harry and a Susan, but is not _always_ produced. On rare occasion, this pairing will produce a Susan or even an Alter-Harry.  
**It is very rare for a Harry to mate with another Harry, and as such it is considered illegal to break up this mated pair for any reason. If a mated pair is jointly owned and their joint owners separate, then the mated pair must go to either one owner or the other. This often results in custody battles, during which both Harrys must be closely watched or they will disappear. It is also noted that a pair of mated Harrys might go into a depression if their owners or their offspring die, which will sometimes force one of the Harry's into a state similar to this Morph - these Harrys, however, are not of the Morph subset and are considered highly dangerous. Please see _Caring for Your Harry Pair_ for more information.

**Author's Note:**

> For the curious: I made Harry’s classification essentially “Animal,” “With Spine,” “Mammal,” “Magical,” “Mortal,” and “White” (followed by, of course, “Dresden” and finally “Harry”).


End file.
